I gave up on Napoleon

You’re probably aware that Sir Ridley Scott’s latest film is Napoleon, starring Joaquin Phoenix in the title role. I’ve read mixed reviews of it, but sadly haven’t seen it. And it’s not for lack of trying. I tried twice to see this film, and was thwarted both times.

Not this Napoleon

The first time was a couple Saturday nights ago. Brooke was working that day, so I picked her up in the car from work. The plan was just to drive to the theater and park in the garage beneath it. That’s about a half mile from her office, so I was expecting an easy 5 minute drive and park. But GPS said it would take 20 minutes, and was directing us to go in the opposite direction from the cinema. So I assumed I entered the wrong address or something. This was just one of those cases where I obviously know better than GPS.

So we drove closer, and traffic keeps getting heavier and heavier. And we get a couple blocks away and the Denver Police Department has the street barricaded. No traffic can get in. I drove a few more blocks down and it was the same situation at every street. At this point, I thought, “Well, maybe GPS is smarter than me, so I’ll do what it says.” That meant turning around and circling around the city center. But traffic was backed up literally miles, and every street was blocked off.

After an hour of driving around in traffic, I decided my need for supper outweighed my need to see the movie, so we turned around and went out for dinner. The crappy part was that I had already bought tickets in advance. Well, there’s a bunch of money wasted.

I wish I’d seen this map before planning to see the movie downtown. Notice how the red “Street Closures” line encircles the entire central business district of Denver.

The traffic situation, we later learned, was that it was the annual Parade of Lights downtown, and so the city had all streets blocked off. It was impossible to get to the theater. We should’ve just walked, but I didn’t know the parade was that night.

A few days later, I bought another ticket to see a matinee screening of the same film. I took the bus downtown this time. I grabbed a burrito to take into the movie with me for lunch, and sat down. After the 30 minutes of ads and trailers was winding down, I could sense it was time for Napoleon to start.

Suddenly, the projector stopped, the house lights came on, and the fire alarm sounded. There were only three of us in the theater. We all looked at each other, grabbed our belongings, and evacuated. Once I got outside, I saw that the fire alarm was going off for this entire shopping mall building – the Denver Pavilions. People were evacuating from every door and standing around in the cold looking annoyed and dumbfounded.

I gave up seeing it a second time, walked to NOVO Coffee, and ordered a cappuccino. Then I walked home.

Sorry, Sir Ridley. I tried twice to see your new movie, but the cinema gods just weren’t with me. I guess I’ll catch it when it comes to Netflix next year.

Categorized as Film

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: