I came across this little gem today. It was USENET spam, but I thought it was hilarious. It’s entitled…
Civics
The American government is divided into three parts — the executive branch, the legislative branch and the judicial branch. Each has its own function; that is the genius of our system.
The executive branch is headed by the president. The president is responsible for declaring war, keeping vital national secrets, ignoring laws he does not like, teaching the American people about God, and telling the whole world where evil lurks and what everyone should do about it.
The legislative branch is composed of two entities, the Senate and, well, the other one. No one really cares. The legislative branch (often called “Congress”) finds ways to give money to the states represented by very old senators. It also holds hearings so the senators and representatives can make long speeches and pretend that they are asking questions. The legislative branch used to make laws, but now the president does that as soon as the legislative branch goes home.
The legislative branch goes home a lot. This is called “taking the pulse of the people.”
The judicial branch is called the “court system.” The highest court is the U.S. Supreme Court. It is responsible for electing the president. Once it has done that, it makes sure that the president has good excuses for whatever it is he wants to do. There are also appeals courts, which do a lot of things that don’t matter because the Supreme Court can always say, “Oh no no no, the president does not want that.”
Next time, we’ll talk about how a bill gets through Congress with all sorts of riders. If you grow up to be very rich, someday you may get a rider of your own.